To Tip or Not to Tip: Tips on Tipping Your Wedding Vendors
There's a question I encounter regularly in the wedding business and it surrounds tipping, namely whether you should tip your vendors or not and how much to tip if that's the case. Tipping can be a sensitive topic sometimes, but knowing a bit up front and planning ahead saves the stress, anxiety, and awkwardness when it comes to making a decision. Here's my advice on when and how to tip your wedding vendors.
There are two answers here, split between your caterers/bartenders and all your other vendors. We'll put the food and drinks aside for now and focus on the other vendors since the answer is entirely different between the two. Also, an important note here is that my advice applies specifically to the Pacific Northwest and the vendors I've worked with. Your mileage may vary depending on whether you're getting married on the East Coast or in the South or anywhere else, so keep that in mind when making a decision.
To start with, let's cover vendors other than catering or bartending, and the answer for tipping is it's typically not required, though with an asterisk. Behind the thought to tip is the thought to show gratitude, and, with most of your vendors, additional money isn't the only option to get that point across.
Again, I do 100% encourage a thoughtful show of gratitude rather than a compulsory need to include gratuity. What this looks like could be a gift; for instance, I've received personalized tote bags, tumblers, coasters, bottles of wine, and even stickers (I do love me some stickers). However, it's not about the gift, it's about showing you're thankful for the help you received with your wedding, so a heartfelt note is greatly appreciated as well.
I always encourage turning your vendors into your partners for the wedding instead of a strict contractor. Humanize one another! That's why the little gift or the thank-you note is sometimes a great option since it shows you care and value them beyond just being someone you paid to serve. If, to you, that looks best like a monetary tip and you can present it in a way that shows you understand who you're giving it to and why, then go with my blessing. Your vendors will always appreciate that! But for vendors in the PNW, consider it like the thank-you note your mom always told you to write after receiving a birthday present.
For caterers and bartenders, the answer is different and that's entirely because the serving industry does revolve around the need to tip. Let's split this again to cover both, so, with catering, you will typically want to include a tip when planning that budget. These are vendors who will be actively serving guests, whether it's buffet, family style, or plated, and cleaning up and handling rentals,, and so, just like at a restaurant, there's a certain expectation to treat that with a tip. Catering staff relies on tips, so do plan to provide that.
The exact amount or the method may vary, but this is where that early planning comes into play. When discussing the catering agreement with your chosen vendor, it's not rude (in fact, I recommend it) to ask how they would like to handle gratuity. In a handful of cases, they'll let you know that they've already included it in the contract and so anything additional is not needed. Other times, they'll request a suggested amount, whether you provide it in a cash envelope after the event or pay via a payment link at your discretion. But asking ahead of time isn't rude as it's showing them you definitely value their service and want to be clear that you show it. Attitude is important of course, so a gentle, "I'd like to plan for gratuity, how would you prefer I deliver tips?" rather than, "You're probably wanting tips, huh?"
Finally you have your bartenders, and similarly you'll want to plan some gratuity into the budget there. Like with catering, you can ask them how they prefer to handle gratuity either up-front included in the overall bill or as a gift after the event has wrapped, but when it comes to bartending you'll want to confirm the question of a tip jar based on your preferences.
Like at a brick-and-mortar bar, having a tip jar set out can be an easy way for guests to add that extra thank you to a drink, though still discuss this with your bartender prior to the event. Many event hosts prefer to handle gratuity on behalf of their guests and just have gratuity added as a line item on the invoice, while others will gladly include one at the bar, sometimes do both. And that is a personal choice! Some of this comes down to how you believe your wedding guests will act and if they're the sort to tip on the regular. If you know that Uncles Bob, Mike, and Mark like themselves a drink or two and have a few extra Jacksons to share, get that tip jar ready because it's better than loose cash on a bar top.
With tipping, it all comes down to the heart of the gesture. Rolling your eyes and thinking of it like an additional transaction can damage your relationship with your vendors and just isn't great for your own mental wellbeing, but rightfully considering that it's a way to show thanks makes it a joy for everyone involved. You're happy with how hard everyone worked to make your marriage celebration special, right? Make sure they know it!
And that's all the tips I have to share for today. If you'd like to get started planning your own wedding, let's talk! I won't even require an up-front tip!
Happy Wedding Planning,
Andy <3
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